Forever Today: January 2013

Thursday, January 17, 2013

要和梦想说“不”的心情

很久很久以前，我有个梦想。

就是到外国念书。

这个梦，从高中毕业拖到大学毕业再拖到工作3年。

即便我很不愿意只是让它是个梦想，在我内心深处，我想实现它。

毕竟，我让我自己等了，好久好久...

在每次很有冲劲，很坚决时，总会有许多的外在因素，让我停下，呼吸，再等。

固执的我，不想放弃.... 马丁-路德-金说过，人因梦想而伟大，我相信着...

这似有似无的梦，赔上了我几年的感情。

挣扎了很久，经济上，时间，距离，重点是这里有许多放不下我的人。

我曾经想过自私的拥有该属于我的东西，这是我应得的... 但人，并没有什么是应得的。

今时今日，所属于我的一切，不是浑然天成，是日月天地父母的付出，自己修回来的。

出国，旅行就好了。

书，不用念这么多。老板爸妈朋友，都这样说。

铃~~~远洋的电话响起.....

再见了，梦想。

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Number 3

Numbers are everywhere in our life. From the day we're born, we had our birthday (Year/Month/Date/Time), then we'll have our birth cert/IC number, follow up by our exam candidate number sitting for UPSR/PMR/SPM/UEC/College/Uni...

4 digits are very sensitive to some people who love to try their luck. Many people love the excitement that a number gave and some of them earns their wealth. It become a norm, a believe, a statistic patterns. Even numbers represented personality, past and future. Numerology has it's mysterious attractive concept.

Seriously, 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10...... ?!?! (Should I shake my head to disagree or nod it to agree?? Well, I stay neutral.. )

I was born on the 8th of the 2nd calender month. No doubt Chinese, typical superstitious Chinese love number 8. Yes I love my birth dates. That's why I insist I will wait for my car number plate with my favourite number on it. Possessive? I just love to mark my belongings. It's an attitude. That's all.

However, this is a story about number 3.

The 3's that I marked downs are 3rd of October since high school, then 13th of June and 3rd of January for the past 3 years. Somehow I felt that it's just happened to be the same date and 3 is half 8. Well it's just a date anyway.

My 1st number 3, is a companion. The one that stands beside me whenever I needed support and strength. Patient and warmth.

The 13th, which add up to be 4, is the charming one. An ideally life for a short period of time. Fireworks, blazing, loud and beautiful.

The 2nd number 3, is a revolt. A bittersweet memory that I kept with a scar. Changes and vain.

I've always long for my number 1 to appear in my life. And I'm hint that Number 1 will be the perfect match for 8. hmph. All my besties are 1's in the total life calculation. (Formula, date + month + year, (x+x)+(x+x)+(x+x+x+x)=yy, (y+y)= z. )

Somehow I still like the existing of 3 in my life. They're different. Always there. Very close to the heart. It's like oxygen.

They said 8 is a powerful, ambitious and difficult to understand what 8 is thinking. I'm a person born on the 8th and having a total life number of 8. A complicated and inborn with the lust of power soul.

Love it or hate it. And I failed maths.